


Squad.

by PureCacophony



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: AU, Andy is so done, Andy is the mom friend, Chapter 4 briefly mentions abuse, Gen, Group Chat Fic, High School, High School AU, Its really gay, Joe sends a lot of stock photos, Like a million percent done, Lots of musical references tbh, Memes, More Chapters Whenever, Overuse of the phrase 'How Dare', Pete has an obsession with memes, Ryan is a grammar nazi, So Much Homo, Tyler gets very passionate about Taco Bell in chapter 6, Tyler once again gets passionate about taco bell in chapter 17, VeRy PaSsIoNaTe, With everybody, idk why i did this, it's trash, more characters later - Freeform, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-05-23 06:43:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 9,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6108358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PureCacophony/pseuds/PureCacophony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A group chat fic based off of group chat conversations I have been involved in. Whoops.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome To Hell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [triple h (wallababy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wallababy/gifts).



> Sorry.

**Memefucker** _has added_ **Fivehead** _,_ **Lunchbox** _, and_ **RyRo** _to the chat._

**Lunchbox** : Pete, what is this?

**RyRo** : what.

**Memefucker** : WeLcOmE tO HeLl

**RyRo** _has left the chat._

**RyRo** _has been added to the chat, invited by_ **Memefucker**

**Memefucker** : ThErE iS nO eScApInG

**Fivehead** : pete pls

**Spooky Jim** _and_ **smol bean** _have joined the chat, invited by_ **Memefucker**

**Spooky Jim** : yo yo yo

**smol bean** : pete why

**Memefucker** _has changed the chat name to_ **WELCOME TO HELL**

**Memefucker** : Okay so

**Memefucker** : whats new

**RyRo** : fuck off

**Fivehead** : woah there

**Fivehead** : strong words from a child

**Lunchbox** : Isn't Ryan older than you??

**Fivehead** : ...

**RyRo** : that's whAT I THOUGHT.

**Fivehead** : Youre an asshole

**RyRo** : You sure seemed to like my asshole last week

**smol bean** : that's gay.

**Spooky Jim** : Tyler, you're gay.

**smol bean** : i am as straight as a ruler

**Memefucker** : a bendy ruler

**smol bean** : exCUSE YOU I AM A CHILD OF THE LORD

**Lunchbox** : Lord Xenu

**Fivehead** : All Hail Lord Xenu

**Memefucker** : Hail Xenu

**Spooky Jim** : All Hail Lord Xenu

**Memefucker** _has changed the chat name to_ **All Hail Lord Xenu**

 


	2. It's 2 am

**Fivehead** : Is there anyone here

 **Fivehead** : I know it's like 2 am but

 **RyRo** : Your dumb notifications woke me up what do you want

 **Fivehead** : ooh yay you can talk to me

 **RyRo** : There is school in literally 6 hours I'm going to bed

 **Fivehead** : Ryab no

 **Memefucker** : ///Ryab///

 **Fivehead** : Where did u come from

 **Memefucker** : The depths of hell.

 **Memefucker** : No but seriously I haven't slept at all. Insomnia.

 **RyRo** : There you have Pete to talk to. Can I go to bed now??

 **Fivehead** : No Ryab.

 **RyRo** _has changed his nickname to_ **Ryab**

 **Spooky Jim** : lmao

 **Memefucker** : everybody is crawling out of the dark crevasses of hell.

 **Spooky Jim** : no i was watching the x-files

 **Memefucker** : Nerd.

 **Spooky Jim** : u literally own all the Star Wars movies and a fuckin shelf of Star Wars toys so dont talk to me

 **Memefucker** : They aren't toys

 **Memefucker** : They are figures.

 **Memefucker** : ///FIGURES///

 **Ryab** : See? Nerd.

 **Memefucker** : NoBoDy AsKeD yOu ScArF bOy

 **Ryab** : woah

 **Ryab** : chill

 **Fivehead** : things are getting pretty heated

 **Fivehead** : I LIKE IT.

 **Spooky Jim** : did any of you do your algebra homework

 **Ryab** : Josh

 **Ryab** : you waited until 2 in the fucking morning to ask about homework

 **Spooky Jim** : just answer my question

 **Fivehead** : I did it.

 **Spooky Jim** : answers pls

 **Fivehead** : no

 **Fivehead** : suffer.

 **Spooky Jim** : o:

 **Memefucker** : Savage.

 **Ryab** : Screw you guys I'm going to bed.

 **Lunchbox** : CAN YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **Lunchbox** : AND GO TO BED

 **Spooky Jim** : okay daddy

 **Memefucker** : woah keep ur language pg, pattycakes

 **Fivehead** : Josh I am kinkshaming u

 **Lunchbox** : Seriously, go to sleep.

 **Memefucker** : k


	3. Prepare to get gay

**Ryab** : All of you can go fuck yourselves

 **Ryab** : I hate all of u

 **Lunchbox** : ???????

 **Ryab** : u guys r not my friends anymore

 **smol bean** : Brendon is that you

 **Ryab** : ....

 **Ryab** : maybe

 **Spooky Jim** : Ryan usually uses proper words.

 **Spooky Jim** : got u, fucker

 **Lunchbox** : Why do you have Ryans phone where is Ryan

 **Ryab** : making lunch

 **Ryab** : last time i tried i almost exploded the microwave

 **Spooky Jim** : how did u manage that

 **Ryab** : reasons

* * *

 

 **Ryab** : RyAn Is SiNgInG aNd MaKiNg FoOd ThIs Is AmAzInG

 **Ryab** : [video message]

 **Memefucker** : u 2 are so married

 **Lunchbox** : Is he singing The Kinks? Nice.

 **Spooky Jim** : fuckin nerd

 **smol bean** : Stop using Ryan's phone

* * *

 

 **Fivehead** : [video message]

 **Fivehead** : nOW HE'S SINGING THE BEATLES I CAN DIE HAPPILY

* * *

 

 **Ryab** : Why were you on my phone

 **Memefucker** : ooooh busted

 **Ryab** : I'm totally breaking up with you.

 **Fivehead** : bABY COME BACK

* * *

 

**Gee** _and_ **frnki** _have been added to the chat, invited by_ **Memefucker**

**frnki** : pREPARE

 **frnki** : TO GET GAY

 **Lunchbox** : oh no

 **Spooky Jim** : jokes on you everybody here is gay

 **frnki** : tru

 **frnki** : gerald get ur ass in here

 **Gee** : I thought I told you to stop calling me Gerald, mr. Lero

 **frnki** : how dare u

 **Gee** : I dare

 **Memefucker** : ooh

 **smol bean** : savage

 **Fivehead** : 420getrekd

 


	4. what

**Fivehead** : so

 **Fivehead** : uh, ryan may not be on for a couple of days. He probably wont be at school either.

 **Lunchbox** : Oh no. Why??

 **Fivehead** : his dad came home drunk again.

 **Fivehead** : he's okay though. Just needs a little break from stuff. He's staying at my house, dont worry.

 **Gee:** That's terrible. Do we need to go over to your house for a little Make-Ryan-Feel-Better-Party?

 **frnki** : I'm down for that.

 **Fivehead** : Maybe tomorrow. Ryan is sleeping right now. He's exhausted from everything.

 **smol** **bean** : Brendon rn you are honestly goals.

 **Spooky Jim** : Do I mean nothing to you Tyler

 **Spooky Jim** : i have devoted my time to u

 **Spooky Jim** : i have devoted my dick to your ass

 **Memefucker** : i cant believe u made my own pure virgin eyes read that

 **Lunchbox** : Pete

 **Lunchbox** : You are very much not a virgin.

 **Lunchbox** : Do we need to have the talk

 **Gee** : You all are filthy sinners

 **Spooky Jim** : Gerard i have walked in on you and Frank going at it like rabbits do not be a hypocrite

 **smol bean** : enough with the sin

 **smol bean** : y'all need jesus

 **frnki:** Isnt this just

 **frnki** : nunderful

 **smol bean** _has removed_ **frnki** _from the chat_

 **Fivehead** : im

 **frnki** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Gee**

* * *

 

 **Lunchbox** : Pete wont stop acting like Guy Fieri I am no longer afraid to face death

 **Lunchbox** : [Video Message]

 **Spooky Jim:** i just choked on my water

 **Fivehead** : good

 **Spooky Jim** : what

 **Fivehead** : what


	5. No homo/Damn Daniel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters take like 10 minutes to write each I am so sorry

**Memefucker** : Patrick has a nice ass

 **Memefucker** : No homo tho.

 **Gee** : what

 **Memefucker** : daaaamn Patrick, back at it again with the black fedora

 **Memefucker** : no homo

 **Spooky Jim** : okay first of all

 **Spooky Jim** : that meme needs to stop

 **Spooky Jim** : secondly

 **Spooky Jim** : u are in a full homo relationship with Patrick

 **Memefucker** : it doesnt count if you say no homo before each time you fuck

 **Spooky Jim** : if you shove your dick up another mans ass, thats homo

 **smol bean** : are we just going to ignore the fact that Pete probably actually said no homo before each time him and patrick had sex

 **Fivehead** : did he actually

 **Lunchbox** : yes

 **Lunchbox** : yes he did.

 **Lunchbox** : and yes

 **Lunchbox** : it was full homo

 **Memefucker** : nO IT WASN'T I SAID NO HOMO

 **smol bean** : but

 **smol bean** : you are a gay male

 **Fivehead** : pete thats like saying "im vegan" before consuming an entire steak with a glass of milk.

 **Fivehead** : "I KNOW I JUST ATE STEAK AND DRANK MILK BUT IT DOESNT COUNT BECAUSE I SAID I WAS VEGAN"

 **Fivehead** : life doesnt work that way

* * *

 

 **frnki** : somebody just yelled "damn daniel!: outside what is this bullshit

 **Spooky Jim** : that damn daniel kid met ellen before I did that makes me uPSET

 **frnki** : same tho

 **Gee** : that meme needs to die

 **Memefucker** : how dare you trash such art

 **Lunchbox** : It's not art.

 **Memefucker** : *GSAP*

 **Memefucker** : how daRE YOU

 **Gee** : im

 **frnki** : im

 **Memefucker** _has removed_ **Lunchbox** _from the_ _chat_

 **smol bean:** IM

 **Lunchbox** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Memefucker**

 **Memefucker** : promise not to mock my precious memes

 **Lunchbox** : Okay, Okay. Just chill.

* * *

 

 **Memefucker** _has changed their nickname to_ **Patrickfucker**

 **Patrickfucker** : Patrick and I just had sex

 **Patrickfucker** : No homo tho

 **Gee** : m8

 **Spooky Jim:** im


	6. Taco Bell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler gets very passionate about taco bell

**smol bean** : Hows Ryan

 **Fivehead** : he's getting better. Still in pain

 **smol bean** : so what happened exactly?

 **Fivehead** : When his dad came home there was an argument and a flight of stairs involved. Ryan said his dad didnt push him down the stairs, but he fell down them while trying to leave the house. Idk though.

 **smol bean** : Josh and I are on our way over.

 **Fivehead** : Alright. Ryan is in the shower rn so

 **smol bean** : Can we surprise him with Taco Bell

 **Fivehead** : why

 **smol bean** : I love Taco Bell. I wrote a song about it. It's pretty good. Taco Bell is amazing.

 **Spooky Jim** : I think chipotle is better

 **smol bean** : Josh

 **smol bean** : find a new boyfriend

 **smol bean:** we are getting him Taco Bell and that's it

 **Fivehead** : okay m8

 **Fivehead** : u are very passionate about Taco Bell

 **smol bean** : EXCUSE UR SORRY SELF

 **smol bean** : TACO BELL IS THE GREATEST RESTAURANT IN THE HISTORY OF EVER I WILL DEFEND IT UNTIL MY DYING BREATH I AM LOYAL TO THE MEXICANS WHO MAKE ME MY DELICIOUS CHALUPAS AND BURRITOS AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE YOU CAN TAKE A CHURRO AND VIOLENTLY SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS AND FUCK YOURSELF WITH IT.

 **Spooky Jim** : taco bell it is

 **smol bean** : YOURE DAMN RIGHT TACO BELL IT IS. I CAME OUT OF THE WOMB EATING TACO BELL. I ATE TACO BELL ON MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. OUR FIRST DATE WAS TO TACO BELL. WE WILL BE SERVING TACO BELL AT OUR WEDDING. AND OUR CHILDREN WILL BE NAMED CHURRO, CHALUPA, AND TAQUITO. I WILL DIE FROM EATING TOO MUCH TACO BELL. I WILL DIE WITH TACO BELL IN MY HAND. I WILL BE BURIED WITH TACO BELL

 **smol bean** : SO YEAH

 **smol bean** : YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT WE'RE GETTING TACO BELL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never had Taco Bell


	7. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe Troh With The Fro joins the party

**Ryab** : Guess who's back

 **Ryab** : Back again

 **Ryab** : Ryan's back

 **Ryab** : Tell a friend

 **Gee** : m8

 **Spooky Jim** : m80

 **Patrickfucker** : M8erino

 **Fivehead** : guys pls

 **Lunchbox** : How are you feeling, Ryan?

 **Ryab** : Tired, mostly. I'm still at Brendon's.

 **Ryab** : He won't let me leave

 **Fivehead** : Ur not going back to your dad for a while

 **Ryab** : But Brendon

 **Ryab** : i have weed at my house

 **Lunchbox** : m8

 **Lunchbox** : Sinner

 **Spooky Jim** : wow u stoner

 **Ryab** : Okay I'm not as bad as Joe fuck off

 **Patrickfucker** : Speaking of Joe

 **Frohman** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Patrickfucker**

 **Frohman** : suuuuuuup

 **Frohman** : [Picture Message]

 **smol bean** : what is that even a picture of

 **Spooky Jim:** it's a guy wearing a santa hat

 **Spooky Jim** : and pinching his nipples

 **Spooky Jim** : same

 **Lunchbox** : Joe it's February.

 **Lunchbox** : And you're Jewish.

 **Frohman** : just because im jewish doesnt mean i cant appreciate fine art

 **Patrickfucker** : I like the way u think, trohman.

 **Ryab** : Honestly, you two need help.

 **Fivehead** : truuuuuuuu

 **Gee** : m80s.

 **Gee** : I am trying to watch Netflix

 **Patrickfucker** : is frank w u

 **Gee** : yes

 **Patrickfucker** : netflix and chill ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Gee** : no.

 **Spooky Jim:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **smol bean** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Gee** : guys pls

 **Lunchbox** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Gee** : HoNeStLy

 **Ryab** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Spooky Jim** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Frohman** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Gee** _has left the chat_

 **Gee** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Patrickfucker**

 **Patrickfucker** : I told u assholes that theres no escape

 **Gee** : are u guys done with the lenny face

 **Patrickfucker** _has changed the chat name to_ **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

 **Gee** : fuck you

 **Spooky Jim** : no fuck frank

 **Gee** : m8

* * *

 

  
**Frohman** : [Picture Message]

 **Lunchbox** : Joe please.

 **Ryab** : Why.

 **Fivehead** : Im crying

 **Ryab** : No you're not

 **Fivehead** : I am

 **Ryab** : I am sitting right next to you and you are not crying by the looks of it.

 **Fivehead** : internally i am

 **Frohman** : [Picture Message]

 **smol bean** : STOP SENDING STOCK PHOTOS

 **Spooky Jim:** no pls dont theyre beautiful

 **Frohman** : I know

 **Frohman** : I know

 **Ryab** : Why did you say that twice

 **Frohman** : FOR EMPHASIS

 **Frohman** : EMPHASIS

 **Lunchbox** : Did you just quote Drake and Josh

 **frnki** : he did

 **Fivehead** : Ayyyy lma0


	8. Daddy Jar Jar/find ur own frien breadbin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a sin

**Lunchbox** : PETE JUST PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE

 **Patrickfucker** : no i didnt stop lying

 **Lunchbox** : [Picture Message]

 **Lunchbox** : Then why is my nose bleeding????

 **Patrickfucker** : Idk.

 **Lunchbox** : Because you punched me in the face.

 **smol bean** : wow pete rude.

 **Patrickfucker** : okay i didnt mean to we were cuddling and then i accidentally moved but when i did my fist hit him in the face

 **smol bean:** pete domestic violence is a serious issue why would you punch Patrick

 **Patrickfucker** : I dIdnT mEaN tO

 **Lunchbox** : R00D

 **Ryab** : Wow pete

 **Patrickfucker** : guys pls i am holding a cloth to his nose as we speak

 **Fivehead** : Holy canoli pete u dont just go around punching innocent Patricks

 **Patrickfucker** : pls

* * *

 

 **Fivehead** : I finally watched the new Star Wars movie with Ryan and Josh

 **smol bean:** Josh i cant believe u would betray me

 **smol bean:** find ur own frien breadbin

 **Frohman** : DID SOMEBODY SAY

 **Frohman** : STAR WARS

 **Frohman** : IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR STAR WARS

 **Frohman** : JAR JAR BINKS = DADDY

 **Gee** : stop urself

 **Frohman** : MEESA DADDY

 **frnki** : m80 pls stop urself

 **Frohman** : DADDY JAR JAR

 **Ryab** : *projectile vomit in the corner*

 **Fivehead** : Joe pls stop urself immediately

 **Frohman** : fuk me daddy jar jar ;) 

 **frnki** : PLS STOP URSELF

 **Lunchbox** : i will never look at jar jar the same way ever again

 **Frohman** : choke me daddy jar jar

 **Patrickfucker** _has removed_ **Frohman** _from the chat_

 **Patrickfucker** : nOW THAT THAT CANCER IS GONE

 **Fivehead** : jar jar binks has been ruined


	9. Music debates and Andy Hurley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so bad I'm so sorry

**Ryab** : Okay but

 **Ryab** : Coldplay.

 **Fivehead** : ryan pls enough with the coldplay

 **Fivehead** : ive had to listen to two full albums already this is hell

 **Ryab** : Heaven****

 **Ryab:** Chris Martin can have all of my unborn children.

 **Ryab** : Honestly I would marry tHE FUCK out of Chris Martin. I love him so much. His music saved me

 **Fivehead** : im your boyfriend

 **Ryab** : But Chris Martin

 **Ryab** : He's my husband

 **Ryab** : He just doesn't know it

 **smol bean** : you sound like a stalker. pretty much like a one direction fangirl

 **Ryab** : HoW dArE yOu

 **Ryab** : ONE DIRECTION IS NOWHERE NEAR ONE OF THE BEST BANDS IN THE WORLD, COLDPLAY.

 **Fivehead** : He just started blasting Life In Technicolor ii. He's upset.

 **Lunchbox** : Everybody knows that Bowie and Prince are like, the most influential. Same with Frank Sinatra.

 **frnki** : The Misfits is where its at

 **Fivehead** : but

 **Fivehead** : Christina Aguilera

 **Fivehead** : And Beyoncé

 **Fivehead** : I know I'm gayer than the fourth of July but honestly i would fuck both of them tbqh. Or have a threesome.

 **Ryan** : You're too gay to do that. Way too gay.

 **Fivehead** : If anything I would know more about fucking women than you. I mean, I fuck you, don't I?

 **Spooky Jim:** awww shit son

 **Gee** : m8 stop urself please I didnt need to read that.

 **Gee** : At all.

 **Patrickfucker** : wow breadbin, i thought you would be the bottom.

 **Fivehead** : Not at all. RyRo is totally the bottom.

 **Ryab** : they didn't need to know that. I'd much prefer to keep our bedroom life in the bedroom.

 **Gee** : ^^^^^^^^

 **Lunchbox** : ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 **Gee** : Honestly I don't understand how you all can go spreading your sex life to everybody. I mean, Frank and I like to keep ours like, yknow, fuckin private???

 **Patrickfucker** : Prude

 **Gee** : I am not a prude, excuse you.

 **Gee** : honestly you all are like children.

 **Gee** : We need an adulty person. Like Andy.

 **HurleyXVX** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Gee**

 **Gee** : Andy please come be an adult.

 **HurleyXVX** : What?

 **Gee:** These children are making life hell and youre basically the mom friend

 **frnki** : rude

 **HurleyXVX** : idk what you want me to say.

 **frnki** : we need ur boyfriend back

 **Patrickfucker** : okay but Joe pretty much gave me cancer with the jar jar binks thing

 **HurleyXVX** : ????

 **Patrickfucker** : He

 **Patrickfucker** : Is

 **Patrickfucker** : Cancer.

 **Frohman** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Hurley XVX**

 **Patrickfucker** : HOW DARE

 **Patrickfucker:** This is MY HOUSE, SON

 **Lunchbox** : o no

 **Frohman** : iM BACK FUCKERS

 **Lunchbox** : You've been gone for 2 days. Only 2 days. It's not that dramatic.

 **Frohman** : still tho. Joe troh with the fro is back tho.

 

 


	10. Spray Cheese and Sewing Machines

**Frohman** : What if our faces were on our feet

 **Spooky** Jim: what

 **Lunchbox** : ???????????

 **smol bean:** how high are you

 **Frohman** : Yes.

 **smol bean** : that doesn't answer my question

 **Ryab** : I'm coming over joe

* * *

 

  
 **HurleyXVX** : joe just told the shower to stop crying and now him and ryan are debating the importance of spray cheese

 **HurleyXVX** : [Video Message]

 **Spooky Jim** : "we need spray cheese because spray cheese is the bees knees"

 **smol bean** : good job ryan

 **Lunchbox** : I have never had spray cheese what is it

 **Spooky Jim** : how dare

 **frnki** : it's cheese. That u spray.

 **Lunchbox** : Well, I know that, dumbass.

 **smol bean** : wow watch ur language how dare

 **frnki** : how dare

 **Patrickfucker** : yeah pattycakes watch ur language

 **Lunchbox** : honestly

 **Lunchbox** : you guys are dicks.

 **frnki** : HoW dArE

 **Patrickfucker** : okay wow im offended

 **Patrickfucker** _has changed their nickname to_ **Memefucker**

 **Spooky Jim:** rip

 **Lunchbox** _has changed their nickname to_ **Pete Wentz Has A Small Dick**

 **Spooky Jim:** savage

 **Memefucker** : okay it may look like a needle, but you and I both know that it works like a sewing machine.

 **Pete Wentz Has A Small Dick** _has changed their nickname to_ **Lunchbox**

 **Memefucker** : That's what I thought.

**Memefucker** _has changed their nickname to_ **Patrickfucker**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I know this chapter was unbelievably short, but I've been busy today. I'll be updating again today so, look out for that!! Thanks for all the love and support on this big pile of bullshit!!


	11. Queen and rough nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has an almost (?) suicide attempt mention. Just thought I'd let you know. This chapter is a little bit heavier than the others but it's still lighthearted in a way :)))

**Patrickfucker** : somebody once told me

 **Patrickfucker** :The world was gonna roll me

 **Patrickfucker** : I aint the sharpest tool in the shed

 **smol bean** : no

 **Patrickfucker** : She was lookin kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb

 **Spooky Jim** : iN THE SHAPE OF AN L ON HER FOREHEAD

 **Patrickfucker** : In the shape of an L on her forehead

 **Patrickfucker** : O

 **Spooky Jim:** o

 **smol bean** : stop urselves

 **smol bean** : please

 **Spooky Jim** : we cant stop

 **Spooky Jim** : and we wont stop

 **smol bean** : PLS STOP

 **Spooky Jim** : Dont stop me now

 **Spooky Jim** : Dont stop me cuz im havin a good time, havin a good time

 **smol bean** : no

 **Spooky Jim** : IM A SHOOTING STAR LEAPING THROUGH THE SKY LIKE A TIGER

 **Spooky Jim** : DEFYING THE LAWS OF GRAVITY

 **smol bean** : okay he called me just to sing this song i cant anymore

**smol bean** _has left the chat_

**smol bean** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Patrickfucker**

**Patrickfucker** : what have i told u people

 **Patrickfucker** : there is no escape from this meme hell

 **Frohman** : did someBODY SAY

 **Frohman** : MEMES??

 **Frohman** : [Picture Message]

 **HurleyXVX** : babe please don't

 **Fivehead** : ////////babe////////

 **Fivehead** : GOaLs

 **smol bean** : Josh is still singing to me over the phone he won't stop

 **Frohman** : but

 **Frohman** : how can he talk to u on the phone if you're using the phone

 **smol bean** : i have a house phone????

 **Fivehead** : ppl still use those????????

 **smol bean:** yES????

 **Frohman** : wow nerd

 **Frohman** : i bet he's a nerd who actually does his homework

 **smol bean:** I actually do do my homework

 **Fivehead** : do do

 **Fivehead** : sounds like doodoo

 **Frohman** : hAH

* * *

   
 **Patrickfucker** : a teenage vow in ap arking lot

 **Patrickfucker** : til 2night do u s prt

 **Patrickfucker** : i s in g thw blues and swallow thek too

 **Patrickfucker** _has left the chat_

 

* * *

  
 **Spooky Jim** : guys what happened

 **Spooky Jim** : patrick is pete okay

 **Spooky Jim** : somebody please answer

 **Fivehead** : ^^^^^^

 **Fivehead** : is pete okay????????

 **Lunchbox** : I'm at his house now.

 **Lunchbox** : he's okay now

 **Ryab** : thank god

 **Lunchbox** : he's having a really rough night.

 **Fivehead** : you ran to his house at 3 am

 **Lunchbox** : what else was i to do??

 **Lunchbox** : he was about to take sleeping pills. He didn't though. His parents and I think he should start therapy.

 **Spooky Jim** : thank god he's okay though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so sorry for not updating as I said i would yesterday, or updating today, for that matter. I've started a completely new fic, and it's going to be a longer one shot. (Totally not a 1950s greaser Ryden fic) Once again, thanks for all the love for this fic!! :)


	12. Papa Pete

**Lunchbox** : im waiting for pete to get out of therapy.

 **Lunchbox** : thank god he's been getting better over the past couple of weeks.

 **Fivehead** : yes thank god. Wow what he did scared me half to death

 **Spooky Jim** : YKNOW

 **Spooky Jim:** WE NEED A TIME WHERE EVERYBODY IS A-OKAY

 **Spooky Jim:** WHERE PETE ISNT BEING EMO, RYAN'S DAD ISN'T BEING A FUCKHOLE, AND WHERE NOBODY ELSE IS HAVING PROBLEMS

 **smol bean** : chill with the caps lock bro

 **Spooky Jim** : NO

 **Spooky Jim** : NEVER

* * *

 

 **Fivehead** : Ryan

 **Fivehead** : Ryan

 **Fivehead** : Ryan

 **Fivehead** : Ryan

 **Ryab** : what.

 **Fivehead** : i love you

 **Ryab** : fuck off

 **Fivehead** : wow,,, i cant believe,,,, the language,,, how dare,,,

 **Lunchbox** : this dude was walking whilst texting on his phone and he just walked into a door i think he saw me laugh.

 **Fivehead** : whilst

 **Fivehead** : wHiLsT

 **Lunchbox** : What about it?

 **Fivehead** : ur such an old man patrick wow

 **Lunchbox** : Because I use proper English?

 **Fivehead** : You speak like an old little british man

 **Lunchbox** : My spirit animal is elton john

 **Fivehead** : and what is he? An old little british man.

 **frnki** : whoops im in the hospital getting stitches

 **Lunchbox** : what did u do

 **frnki** : this guy called Gee and I faggots so i got in a fist fight

 **frnki** : its alright now. My hand just hurts a lot.

 **Lunchbox** : good job frankie im proud

 **frnki** : thx pattycakes

 **Lunchbox** : oi

 **Lunchbox** : only pete can call me that

 **frnki** : aww u love him

 **Lunchbox** : no shit.

 **Lunchbox** : ive been dating him for 4 years and i hate him

 **frnki** : wow turn down ur pattitude, sasstrick

 **Fivehead** : i just choked that is beautiful

 **Spooky Jim:** this is a beautiful conversation

 **Ryab** : im trying to do homework can y'all fuck off

 **Spooky Jim** : are you from texas now, y'ALL

 **Lunchbox** : you know you can mute the chat

**Ryab** _has left the chat_

**Lunchbox** : i said mute not leave

 **Ryab** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Patrickfucker**

 **Lunchbox** : aren't you still in therapy, Pete??????

 **Patrickfucker** : papa pete has his ways.

 **frnki** : nEVER say that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating at all. I've been super busy with schoolwork, plus I've been working on a 1950s greaser Ryden fic whoops.
> 
> Once again, thanks for the love!! :))


	13. Beads and ducks

**Ryab** : I'm with Brendon at the hospital

 **Lunchbox** : What did he do this time?

 **Ryab** : somehow, he managed to get a bead stuck up his nose and it won't come out now.

 **Spooky Jim:** oh my god same

 **HurleyXVX** : How the fuck did he get a bEAD stuck up his nose??

 **Ryab** : I asked him earlier and his exact words were "Ryan- sometimes, people make mistakes."

 **HurleyXVX** : Tell Brendon I say congratulations

 

* * *

 

 

 **Spooky Jim** : TyTy

 **smol bean** : yes???

Spooky Jim: can we get a pet duck

 **Spooky Jim:** or a goose

 **smol bean:** geese are evil no

 **Spooky Jim** : so a duck?

 **smol** **bean** : we don't live together you can do whatever you want

 **Spooky** **Jim** : when we get married instead of human children can we have ducklings

 **smol bean** : i guess??

 **Spooky Jim** : can we name one after the duckling from Wonder Pets

 **smol bean** : no

 **Spooky Jim** : can we get four and name them Tinky Winky, Dipsy, LaLa, and Po

 **Gee** : arent those the teletubbies

 **Spooky Jim** : wow gerald ur smart

 **Spooky Jim** : but yes can we tyler

 **smol bean:** i guess???

 **Spooky Jim** : fuck yes i fuckin love fuckin ducks

 **HurleyXVX** : please rephrase that i don't think you actually love screwing ducks. If you do, that's pretty fucked.

 **Gee** : kinky

 **Spooky Jim** : not my fault that you have the minds of sinners

 **Patrickfucker** : sin the straight away

 **Patrickfucker** _has changed the chat name to_ **sin the straight away(TM)**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so. I'm thinking about ending this story. There are just so many group chat fics by other people going right now??? It feels like far too much. So i may be just ending this soon.


	14. Black ducks and poems

**Ryab** : my dad just called me George again.

 **Patrickfucker** : kill him

 **Patrickfucker** : violently

 **frnki** : pete pls chill

 **Patrickfucker** : never

 **Spooky Jim** : tyLER GOT ME A PET DUCK

 **Ryab** : wat

 **Spooky Jim** : I HAVE A DUCK I HAVE NAMED HIM QUACKERS AND CHEESE. QUACKERS FOR SHORT.

 **Patrickfucker** : OH MY GOD YES

 **Patrickfucker** : THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL NAME I'M SO PROUD

 **Patrickfucker** : wait

 **Patrickfucker** : what colour is the duck

 **Spooky Jim** : It's mostly black with a bit of yellow.

 **Patrickfucker** : a bLACK DUCK WITH A NAME THATS SUPPOSED TO SOUND LIKE CRACKER HOW IRONIC

 **frnki** : thats racist

 **Patrickfucker** : I AM HALF BLACK SO

 **frnki** : tru

 **Fivehead** : Ryan is still laughing at my nose

 **smol** **bean** : good

 **Fivehead** : thats r00d tyler

 **Patrickfucker** : you're the one who went and got a BEAD up your NOSE

 **Gee:** okay my phone is vibrating so much i swear i could shove it up my ass and it'll be a homemade vibrator can u all chill

 **frnki** : ill shove something up ur ass ;-))))))

 **smol bean** : frank pls

 **Fivehead** : frank stop urself

 **Fivehead** : RYAN. JUST. WROTE. ME. A FUCKING. POEM. ABOUT. MY. NOSE. MISHAP.

 **Fivehead** : "A dark hole  
Like a place for a mole  
Too bad you shoved something sharp  
To wait for salvation in the dark  
You wanted to see how many beads you could fit  
What a shame you wound up eATING SHIT"

 **Fivehead** : i swear to lord xenu i am divorcing his ass.

 **Patrickfucker** : u arent married

 **Fivehead** : yet.

 **Fivehead** : but when i do

 **Fivehead** : im divorcing him just for that poem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im still debating on ending this. There are so many group chat fics now. It's kind of repetative. Idk though. Maybe. Not sure.


	15. Quick note. ((not part of actual story))

I was planning on ending this, and I have been for a little while. There are so many group chat fics now and they're all so... Repetative and the same? It's weird. I've decided that I will continue this story, though chapters may be even less frequent. The reason for that is I'm working on 2 other fics right now. The two I've been working on are the 1950s Ryden fic (it's quite angsty and kinda sad not going to lie. And it's a long one shot.) I'm also working on a more lighthearted bandom fic. There will be another chapter to this sometime today. Thanks for the love :)) 


	16. RuPauls Drag Race and Holy Canoli

**Fivehead** _has changed their name to_ **Breadbin The Bead Boy**

 **Breadbin The Bead Boy:** hello i am breadbin and i love shoving unnecessary objects up my nose.

 **Lunchbox** : Ryan

 **Breadbin The Bead Boy** _has changed their name to_ **Fivehead**

 **Lunchbox** : I knew it

 **Ryab** _has changed their name to_ **Meltedheadaches**

 **Meltedheadaches** : I did nothing I swear

 **Lunchbox** : liar

 **Meltedheadaches** : tru.

 **Patrickfucker** _has changed their name to_ **Pepefucker**

 **Lunchbox** : Pete stop urself

 **Meltedheadaches** : fucking trash

 **Pepefucker** : r00d

 **Pepefucker** : cant i just express my freedom and individuality in this free country im feeling very attacked

 **Fivehead** : okay laganja

 **Meltedheadaches** : did you just make a rupauls drag race reference or

 **Fivehead** : yes

 **frnki** : idk whether to be confused by the fact that brendon made a rpdr reference or the fact that ryan got the reference

 **Spooky Jim:** honestly the fact that Brendon made the reference doesn't surprise me because Brendon is almost a drag queen himself like

 **Spooky Jim** : but Ryan on the other hand

 **Spooky Jim** : doesnt seem like somebody to actually watch that shit wow Ryan

 **Meltedheadaches** : its a good show okay

 **Meltedheadaches** : I relate to Pearl from season 7

 **Fivehead** : if anything ur phi phi ohara from season 4 bc u can be very bitchy and r00d

 **Meltedheadaches** : okay wow i love phi phi im honoured. Phi Phi has beautiful drag okay

 **Fivehead** : I'm totally Raja

 **Meltedheadaches** : you are nowhere near Raja's beauty and drag creativity. Also, I finally got around to watching the season 8 premiere Kim Chi ftw

 **Lunchbox** : You two are on an ENTIRELY different level of gay now

 **Meltedheadaches** : you listen to Prince

 **Lunchbox** : you listen to Coldplay

 **Spooky Jim** : literally everybody here is gay

 **Spooky Jim** : we've all had consensual intercourse with the same gender

 **HurleyXVX** : i havent

 **Spooky Jim** : andy u and joe have been together longer than all of the couples here

 **HurleyXVX** : idk i just dont feel its necessary rn

 **Fivehead** : holy canoli

 **Pepefucker** : holy canoli

 **Spooky Jim** : holy canoli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should follow me on instagram @20_dollar_nosebleed #spon


	17. Taco Bell (part 2) and Cheese Whiz

**smol bean** : FAST FOOD GREASY TACO I LOVE

 **meltedheadaches** : no

 **smol bean** : FOOD LIKE THIS COULD ONLY COME FROM ABOVE

 **Gee** : tyler please stop

 **smol bean:** NACHO BELL GRANDE CHEESY GORDITA I LIKE YOUR TACOS LIKE DIARRHEA

 **smol bean:** MAN I REALLY LIKE TACO BELL

 **Gee** : tyler what are you doing

 **Pepefucker** : Idk but it's beautiful

 **smol bean** : I KNOW I CANT WATCH YOU MAKE FOOD DROP IT ON THE FLOOR I THINK ITS RUDE

 **smol bean:** MAN I REALLY LIKE TACO BELL

 **HurleyXVX** : do i have permission to leave yet

 **Pepefucker** : no

 **smol bean** : HERES TOO THE MEXICAN WHO MAKES ME MY FOOD

 **meltedheadaches** : to*

 **smol bean:** HOW IS IT THAT I JUST ATE AND NOW I HAVE TO POOP

 **Gee** : im slightly mortified

 **HurleyXVX** : same

 **Pepefucker** : im not this is great

 **Gee** : nobody cares about your opinion pete

 **Pepefucker** : patrick does

 **Lunchbox** :...

 **Pepefucker** : okay fuck you

 **Lunchbox** : ;)

 **Pepefucker** : i hate all of you

 **frnki** : no u dont you love us

 **frnki** : me specifically

 **Pepefucker** : frank you told me to jump off the roof with a patio umbrella

 **frnki** : it wasn't my fault you actually did it. That was your own stupidity and lack of common sense

 **Pepefucker** : frank you pushed me off the roof

 **frnki** : how dare you accuse me of such violence

 **Pepefucker** : it was caught on video you pushed me off the roof

 **frnki** : you said you were going to do it

 **frnki** : and no friend of mine chickens out

 **frnki** : so i gave you just a nudge

 **Pepefucker** : frank you made me break my ankle

 **frnki** : it was funny

 **Pepefucker** : frank i had to wear a cast for seven weeks

 **frnki** : at least gerald drew some cool shit on it

 **Gee** : what the fuck did i say about calling me Gerald, Frank Lero

 **Gee** : we've been over this

 **frnki** : Gee Whiz, you need to calm down.

 **Gee** : you did not actually just do that

 **Pepefucker** : Gee Whiz

 **HurleyXVX** : cheese whiz

 **Gee** _has changed their name to_ **Cheese Whiz**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao remember that Ryden greaser fic I was writing? Yeah I didn't like it that much so I changed the plot completely and now It's set in 1937. Whoops I am a slut for historical fics. Also I feel like this chapter is longer than the others? Holy guacamole. I still have never had taco bell
> 
> ((thanks for all the kudos and comments. Comments make me happy :)) ))


	18. Bundle of Bitterness

**Spooky Jim: [Picture Message]**

**Spooky Jim** : Quackers and I out for a walk some guy just called me a faggot because I am wearing a bright red fanny pack

 **Frohman** : beat him with the fanny pack

 **Frohman** : violently

 **Spooky** Jim: no joe

 **frnki** : lmao that rhymed

 **Cheese Whiz:** water is wet

 **Cheese Whiz** : grass is green

 **Meltedheadaches** : not necessarily

 **Cheese Whiz** : nOBIDY ASKED YOU SCARF BOY

 **Meltedheadaches** : Nobidy

 **Cheese Whiz** : fuck

 **Fivehead** : get rekd

 **Meltedheadaches** : Also, Brendon, can I stay at your house tonight?

 **Fivehead** : Yeah, why?

 **Meltedheadaches** : My dad is drunk again, and he threw out my fucking notebooks and I've locked myself in the bathroom with a book bag of clothes.

 **Fivehead** : Of fucking course you can come over.

 **Meltedheadaches** : I was going to see if I could go to Spencer's, but his family is gone for the weekend, and Spencer is with them.

 **Meltedheadaches** : I'm about to be on my way. Dad is trying to get in the bathroom. See you in a bit.

 **Fivehead** : Alright. Love you.

 **Lunchbox** : aww

 **Pepefucker** : Brendon Patrick and I are coming over to your house

 **Lunchbox** : we are?

 **Pepefucker** : I'm coming to pick you up now.

 **Lunchbox** : Pete, we didn't discuss this???

 **Pepefucker** : Shhh, you bundle of bitter

 **Pepefucker** : Live a little bit

 **Lunchbox** : I hAvE tO dO hOmEwOrK

 **Pepefucker** : not now omw

 **Lunchbox** : Pete

 **Lunchbox** : Pete

 **Lunchbox** : asshole.

 **frnki** : lmao I'm on my way too m8erino

 **HurleyXVX** : same

 **frnki** : yaaaaay Andy actually has a social life out of school

 **Hurley** : wow fuck off

 **frnki** : nahh

 **Fivehead** : anybody else coming? I'm going to order pizza, i guess

 **Spooky Jim:** tyler and I

 **Frohman** : same thooo

 **Lunchbox** : I guess I, the bundle of fucking bitterness, am going

 **Frohman** : u know ur not exactly proving that u aren't a ball of bitterness

 **Lunchbox** : Trohman

 **Lunchbox** : I swear to Jesus

 **Lunchbox** : I will kick you in the dick

 **Frohman** : in the words of the great Frank Iero, "turn down ur pattitude, sasstrick."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy guacamole it's been so long but I've been sUUUUUUper busy with spring break last week and schoolwork (almost failing Math whoopsie) BUT, I did manage to find some time to write this. 
> 
> ((comments and kudos make me happy :)) ))
> 
> Thanks for the love!


	19. Rip in pepperoni

**Fivehead** : Ryan is still at my house and as a present for letting him stay here he bought me fucking cheese whiz. A fucking jar of cheese whiz.

 **Spooky Jim** : why am I not surprised.

 **Pepefucker** : Can I come over again today

 **Fivehead** : YOU ALL ALREADY COCKBLOCKED ME ONCE. NOT AGAIN.

 **Pepefucker** : bro chill

 **Fivehead** : DONT U BRO ME

 **Pepefucker** : bro

 **HurleyXVX** : anybody up for a star wars marathon next weekend?

 **Frohman** : me

 **HurleyXVX** : Okay. Just don't try to smuggle weed into my house next time

 **Frohman** : no promises

 **HurleyXVX** : Joe

 **Frohman** : nOpRoMiSeSaNdY

 **frnki** : WHO HERE IS GOOD AT ENGLISH

 **Meltedheadaches** : me

 **Pepefucker** : me

 **Meltedheadaches** : what do you want

 **frnki** : WTF IS AN OXFORD COMMA

 **Meltedheadaches** : you really don't know what an oxford fucking comma is

 **Meltedheadaches** : are you stupid

 **frnki** : YES NOW WHAT IS IT

 **Meltedheadaches** : look it up

 **frnki** : FINE U MOTHERFUCKER

 **Meltedheadaches** : ;))

 **Lunchbox** : Okay but Mrs. Beck at school made me write a six page essay on why i shouldn't be late to Biology class. What am I even supposed to write?

 **Frohman** : rip in peace dude

 **Fivehead** : rip in pepperoni

 **Pepefucker** : rip in penis

 **Lunchbox** : no stop

 **Frohman** : [Picture Message]

 **smol bean** : not the stock photos joe pls

 **Frohman** : [Picture Message]

 **Cheese Whiz** : i hate my life because of these photos

 **Frohman** : good

 **Frohman** : kys

 **Frohman** : not rlly

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note, blah blah blah. I'm probably ending this story in a couple of chapters(1-3 more). I've been working on a number of more serious works (bUSTING MY ASS OFF TO FINISH THAT ONE 1930S RYDEN THING) and honestly, there are just so many group chat fics, they all feel the same. I don't feel the need to continue this really dumb story anymore ayy lmao.
> 
> I'm also wanting to start taking requests for little au oneshots to write in my free time.


	20. Please read

I'm no longer going to be continuing this story. I'm busy working on other stories, mostly requests, and some of my own little ideas for stories. This one was kind of being put on the backburner, and I just don't feel the need to continue it, really. And this isn't an april fools joke, lmao. Thanks for the support on this story and my other ones, it means a lot. (also I'm seeing tøp in concert tonight and I feel weird writing fanfics about bands after i see them. The same thing happened when I saw fall out boy lmao) Also, the requests that I've been working on should be out next week)

 

Okay thanks. :))


	21. Birthdays and Shoes

**Fivehead** : hAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

 **meltedheadaches** : It was almost a week ago, Brendon

 **Pepefucker** : aBOUT A WEEK AGO

 **Cheese** **Whiz** : Pete that meme needs to die

 **Pepefucker** : you need to die

 **Pepefucker** : anYWAYS

 **Pepefucker** : Since we have 3 birthdays this month, two that have already passed, we should have a big birthday party for the three of you lmao

 **Lunchbox** : I don't want to do anything for my birthday

 **Fivehead** : toO BAD PATTYCAKES

 **Cheese Whiz** : I guess I'm okay with it.

 **frnki** : does that mean I have to give you another present gerald

 **Cheese Whiz** : no, Mr Lero

 **frnki** _has changed their name to_ **Frunk Lero**

 **Cheeze Whiz** _has changed their name to_ **Gerald Wey**

 **Frohman** : i have special birthday stock photos for you guys

 **HurleyXVX** : no thank you

 **Lunchbox** : ^^^^^^^^^^

 **Fivehead** : Ryan can u get me a second birthday present

 **meltedheadaches** : no

 **Fivehead** : please

 **meltedheadaches** : what do you want

 **Fivehead** : light up shoes

 **Fivehead** : **[Picture Message]**

 **meltedheadaches** : how much are they

 **Fivehead** : like 60 dollars

 **meltedheadaches** : hell no

 **Fivehead** : pretty please???

 **Fivehead** : with a cherry on top???????

 **Fivehead** : ryan

 **Fivehead** : ryan

 **Fivehead** : ryan pls

 **Fivehead** : ryan ily pls

 **Fivehead** : ill buy you some cheese whiz

 **Fivehead** : and some coldplay merch

 **Fivehead** : I'll also buy you dairy queen

 **Fivehead** : you like ice cream don't you?

 **Fivehead** : fine.

 **Spooky Jim:** get rekd losr

 **Fivehead** : kys

 **Fivehead** : not really

 **smol bean** : i want ice cream now

 **Spooky Jim** : I'll buy you some?

 **smol bean** : yes pls

 **Frohman** : can i come

 **Spooky Jim** : aight. Anybody else?

 **Pepefucker** : meeeEEEEEEEEEEE

 **Lunchbox** : wow i thought you were coming over

 **Spooky Jim:** aight pete

 **Pepefucker** : srry bby

 **smol bean** : can we go to taco bell after

 **Spooky Jim** : enough with the taco bell

 **smol bean** : no fuck you

 **Spooky Jim** : ;)

 

* * *

 

 

 **meltedheadaches** : Brendon.

 **Fivehead** : nyyeeesss?

 **meltedheadaches** : you owe me so much right now

 **Fivehead** : y

 **meltedheadaches** : i just ordered your lame ass shoes

 **Frohman** : ass shoes

 **Fivehead** : thx ryan ily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SuRpRiSe ChApTeR
> 
> Okay so hi!! I decided to do a random chapter in light of 3 birthdays this month! It's kind of a lame chapter but oh well!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. Kudos and comments make me happy. Especially comments :))
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> ALSO: I have a buttload of requests so those may not be out for a while lmao. I've been incredibly busy with the school band and the musical I'm in. (totally not Into The Woods lmao) so yeah. Instead of some requests which take a while to do, you may get a couple more chapters of these because these chapters are so much easier than requests. 
> 
> AlSo: you should check out my newest fic Pennies From Heaven and tell me what you think. That would make me sO happy!! #spon
> 
> Once again, thanks!
> 
> ~Baylee


	22. Annoying Ryan and "Gotta Zayn"

**meltedheadaches** : Brendon are you busy at all today?

 **Fivehead** : nah bro. Y?

 **meltedheadaches** : Your stupid light up shoes came in. Also don't you dare call me bro. I am your boyfriend. So you should call me as such.

 **Fivehead** : woah chill

 **Fivehead** : bro

 **meltedheadaches** _has left the chat_

 **Pepefucker** : wow look what u did,,, to ur boyfriend,,,,

 **Lunchbox** : oooh trouble in paradise.

 **meltedheadaches** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Fivehead**

 **Fivehead** : bby im srry

 **meltedheadaches** : whatever

 **Spooky Jim** : oooOOOH ryan is angryyy

 **meltedheadaches** : not really. Annoyed is the most correct term.

 **Frunk Lero** : do u need tampons or pads

 **meltedheadaches** : okay i may be the woman in the relationship but that doesn't mean that i actually am a woman, fucktruck

 **Frunk Lero** : i cant believe you just admitted that ohmygod

 **meltedheadaches** : god damn it

 **HurleyXVX** : sin

 **HurleyXVX** : those are sin words

 **HurleyXVX** : how dare you

 **Spooky Jim** : srsly

 **Frohman** : srsrsrsrsrsrsrsrsly r u srs super srs the srst srs.

 **Fivehead** : hwat hte fcuk,,, the fucc

 **Lunchbox** : what on earth

 **Pepefucker** : hold on, I speak the languagr of shitposting. Let me translate Brendon's message

 **Pepefucker** : what the fuck

 **Pepefucker** : tadaa

 **smol bean** : can u all chill

 **HurleyXVX** : no

 **Gerald Wey** : ooooOOOOH ANDY IS GETTING WIIIILD

 **Gerald Wey** : HES REBELLING

 **Frunk Lero** : maybe hes finally removing the stick from his ass

 **HurleyXVX** : how about fuck you

 **Frunk Lero** : buy me dinner first, jesus.

 **Gerald Wey** : andy thats my job

 **Frunk Lero** : other way around, buddy ol friend ol chummy ol pal

 **Lunchbox** : what is happening I'm just trying to do Biology homework, man.

 **Pepefucker** : mmaaaaaaaan

 **Lunchbox** : are any of you high

 **smol bean** : no

 **Frunk Lero:** no

 **HurleyXVX** : nah

 **Spooky Jim** : nein

 **Frohman** : yes

 **Pepefucker** : surprisingly not

 **meltedheadaches** : yes

 **Gerald Wey** : noppppeee

 **Fivehead** : no

 **Lunchbox** : ryan and joe are sinners

 **Fivehead** : ryans a liar. He is sitting right across from me. And he isnt high

 **Fivehead** : he just kicked me. Fuckin assault, man.

 **Pepefucker** : ryan how dare

 **smol bean** : oooh he dare

 **smol bean** : hE dArE

 **smol bean** : breadbin, george, can i third wheel u

 **Spooky Jim** : tyler r we divorcing

 **smol bean** : yes. I get to keep everything. And your money

 **Lunchbox** : thats not how it works, tyler

 **melteadheadaches** : dont you ever call me george.

 **Fivehead** : george

 **meltedheadaches** : Brendon, I'm serious. Don't call me George. You know I hate that.

 **Fivehead** : George.

 **Fivehead** : whoops he's walking away from me i should apologise.

 **Fivehead** : Gotta Zayn

**Frohman** : /////gotta zayn/////

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo another surprise chapter! I'm putting out more of this than the requests, as I'm waiting until I have time to write decent longer stuff. I'm swamped with homework right now, and I've had a lot of tests at school, and rehearsals for the musical that I'm in are exhausting. Absolutely exhausting.
> 
> Once again, thanks for the love, leave comments/kudos blah blah blah, and thank you!
> 
> :))


	23. Vaseline and Bernie

**Spooky Jim** : sometimes i slather myself in vaseline and roll on my floor like a slug

 **Lunchbox** : josh no

 **Spooky Jim** : josj yes

 **Lunchbox** : josj

 **Spooky Jim** : shut up

 **Lunchbox** : make me

 **Spooky Jim** : ;)

 **Lunchbox** : okay you win I'm done

 **Spooky Jim** : thats not what u said last nite bby ;)))

 **Lunchbox** : josh,,,, i thought we agreed to keep your blowup doll that looks like me a secret,,,

 **Spooky Jim** : o shit tru

 **Pepefucker** : wait what

 **Pepefucker** : is that a thing because i want one

 **Lunchbox** : no pete they arent a thing.

 **Pepefucker** : damn

 **Pepefucker** : okay so my therapist told me a story about how his wife dressed up like a blowup doll for a halloween party and a drunk guy tried to take her home lmao.

 **Lunchbox** : hwat.

 **Spooky Jim** : why would you dress up like a blowup doll

 **smol bean** : why not?

 **Pepefucker** : ayyy tylerrr

 **Frohman** : ayyy joeee

 **Pepefucker** : ayyyyy joeeeeeeee

 **Fivehead** : guys

 **Fivehead** : have any of you seen ryro lately

 **smol bean** : y

 **Fivehead** : he wont pick up

 **Fivehead** : i think hes with his dad

 **HurleyXVX** : want me to go check or something? I have to head that way in a bit, anyways.

 **Fivehead** : yes pls thank

* * *

 

 **Pepefucker** : tyler

 **smol bean** : nyes?

 **Pepefucker** : remember when u, josh, frank, and andy stayed over last weekend

 **smol bean** : yeah? What about it

 **Pepefucker** : did u and josh fuck in my guest bed

 **smol bean** : no

 **Spooky Jim** : yes

 **smol bean** _has left the chat_

 **Spooky Jim** : how did u find out

 **Pepefucker** : stains

 **Pepefucker** : i know what cum stains look like

 **Spooky Jim** : i am so sorry

 **Pepefucker** : it's fine. Just yknow don't do it again

 **Spooky Jim** : wow im so embarrassed

 **HurleyXVX** : get some josh

 **Gerald Wey** : i have returned from the dentists and my mouth tastes horrible

 **HurkeyXVX** : yum

 **HurleyXVX** : also, Brendon?

 **Fivehead** : yeah

 **HurleyXVX** : i stopped by Ryan's house. He's there. He got his phone taken away

 **Gerald Wey** : why?

 **HurleyXVX** : he got caught smoking pot and i think his dad grounded him.

 **Fivehead** : oh

 **Gerald Wey** : damn

 **HurleyXVX** : Ryan said that he wont be at school until wednesday though. Idk why so

 **Fivehead** : kthx

 **Lunchbox** : anyways

 **Lunchbox** : Bernie2k16

 **Frunk Lero** : Patrick what

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I go onstage next week for the school musical next week, and after that i will be free of rehearsals, and then I will have so much more time to write, so expect most of the requests that I've been putting off to be 'published'!!!
> 
> I have 11 unfinished fics that i should be releasing anytime soon. 
> 
> Okay the usual thanks and stuff. Leave comments, kudos blah blah blah lol!
> 
> Thank you!!


	24. Offensive Joke Time/Fuck Your Suburbs

**Pepefucker** : What do u call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the water

 **HurleyXVX** : ?

 **Pepefucker** : Bob

 **Frunk Lero** : oHMYGOD

 **Lunchbox** : What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying on the floor?

 **Spooky Jim** : idk what

 **Lunchbox** : Matt

 **Frunk Lero** : dead.

 **Pepefucker** : Alright Patrick

 **Pepefucker** : What to you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall

 **Spooky Jim:** im scared

 **Gerald Wey** : what

 **Pepefucker** : Art

 **Frunk Lero:** OHRHWJAN

 **Frunk Lero** : DED

 **Lunchbox** : you win.

 **Pepefucker** : what's the hardest part about eating a vegetable

 **Lunchbox** : pETE NO

 **smol bean** : I have a feeling the answer is going to be mildly offensive

 **Pepefucker** : The wheelchair

 **Lunchbox** : PETE

 **Lunchbox** : TOO FAR

 **Spooky Jim** : i cant

 **Frunk Lero** : i aM PISSJNG MYSELF

 **Pepefucker** : What do you call a gay man in a wheelchair

 **Fivehead** : Pete after jumping off Frank's roof

 **Pepefucker** : lET ME LIVE

 **Pepefucker** : anyways the answer is a fruit roll up

 **Lunchbox** : Are you done with the jokes now

 **Pepefucker** : yeah. I'll stop before they turn into 9/11 jokes

 **Gerald Wey** : good

 **Fivehead** : iM SO FUCKIN PUMPED

 **Frunk Lero** : why

 **Fivehead** : RYRO RETURNS TO US TOMORROW I CANT WAIT TO TALK TO HIM AHHHHH

 **Frohman** : at least your boyfriend actually will have tIME for you

 **HurleyXVX** : #rude #YouKnowImBusyWorking

 **Frohman** : You just don't want to see me smh. You need to make it up to me. Take me out on a date

 **HurleyXVX** : you? Out on a date? Are you ill?

 **Frohman** : and by date take me to see Finding Dory

 **Pepefucker** : stoooooooop with the muuuuuuuuushyyyyy stuuuuufffff

 **Frohman** : you're one to talk

 **Gerald Wey** : who wants to come over for pizza i accidentally ordered 20 pizzas

 **Lunchbox** : how the fuck

 **Gerald Wey** : i dONT KNOW I HAVE 20 FUCKING PIZZAS PLEASE COME EAT THEM THAT COSTED 200 DOLLARS I REGRET

 **Spooky Jim** : idk about y'all but I'm going to eat some fuckin pizza

 **Pepefucker** : smae

 **Lunchbox** : I can't smh

 **Lunchbox** : i have to mow the lawn

 **smol bean** : party pooper

 **Frunk Lero** : poop

 **Gerald Wey:** #no

 

* * *

 

 

 **Fivehead** : [Picture Message]

 **Fivehead** : ryden is back together i am at his house

 **meltedheadaches** : when the fuck did you take that photo of me was that just now

 **Fivehead** : #no

 **meltedheadaches** : you piece of shit liar

 **Gerald Wey** : well hello 2 u too, ryro

 **meltedheadaches** : yo

 **Frohman** : did somebody say

 **Frohman** : stock photo time

 **Fivehead** : #no

 **Lunchbox** : #no

 **Pepefucker** : #no

 **HurleyXVX** : #nO

 **Spooky Jim** : #no

 **Gerald Wey** : #no

 **Pepefucker** : #no

 **Frunk Lero:** #no

 **meltedheadaches** : #no

 **smol bean** : #nein

 **Gerald Wey** : aaaaaaand you ruined it

 **HurleyXVX** : wow good job Tyler u fucked it up

 **smol bean:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **smol bean** : fite me about it

 **Frunk Lero:** I'll fuckin fite u. Ill kick ur ass

 **smol bean** : Frank i could flick you across the globe

  
 **Frunk Lero** : im noT THAT SHORT PETE AND PATRICK ARE BOTH FUCKING SHORTER THAN ME HWAT HTE FCUK

 **Pepefucker** : we are not involved with this

 **Frunk Lero** : i wiLL FIGHT ALL OF YOU

 **Lunchbox** : Fighting,,,,, In my good Christian suburbs,,,,, How dare,,,,,

 **Frunk Lero:** FUCK YOUR SUBURBS

 **Fivehead** _has changed the group name to_ **'Fuck Your Suburbs'**

 **Frunk Lero:** god damn it

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exams are kicking my ass lmao help. People were asking for another chapter for this so I managed to slip one in! Also, please please pleeeeaaase check out my newest story Never Looked Better, And You Can't Stand It. I've been working quite hard on it and I really like it, and I hope you will too!
> 
> Thank you!!!


	25. Bee movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to saratza, who has been giving this fic a lot of love. I really appreciate that lmao. Thank youu, i hope you like this one!
> 
> Also, this is the first chapter that I will be using Private Messages in woot woot. They will be when the username is italicized. Enjoy!

**meltedheadaches** : Brendon tried the weed drug smh

 **Pepefucker** : hwat

 **Pepefucker** : ryan what did u do to him

 **meltedheadaches** : I told him not to do it. I don't even smoke it that often.

 **Fivehead** : im not a baby.

 **Fivehead** : Maybe I have a reason to do it

 **Fivehead** : It's not up to you to tell me what to do, Ryan.

 **Fivehead** _has left the chat._

 **Spooky Jim** : ????

 **Spooky Jim:** is he alright? Can somebody message him???

 

* * *

 

  
_meltedheadaches_ : Brendon what's wrong?

 _Fivehead_ : I'm pissed off at you. Duh.

 _meltedheadaches_ : Why? I don't know what I did.

 _Fivehead_ : you always act like my mother and it's kind of annoying tbh.

 _Fivehead_ : you tell me what to do, and what not to do. You're not the boss of me.

 _meltedheadaches_ : do i? I'm sorry. Im so so sorry.

 _meltedheadaches_ : Brendon please

 _Fivehead_ : and you always act distant. It's like you don't even care about our relationship, Ryan. You're always holed up away from everybody else, and I'm sick of it.

 _meltedheadaches_ : im sorry

 _meltedheadaches_ : Brendon

 _meltedheadaches_ : please, Brendon. I'm sorry. I love you. Please.

 

* * *

 

 **meltedheadaches** : he hasn't responded to me in 2 hours im worried

 **Lunchbox** : oh my

 **Lunchbox** : has anybody else tried to message him?

 **smol bean** : his phone is off. I've even tried calling him.

 **Frunk Lero** : same. He's not answering.

 **Lunchbox** : I guess we'll just have to wait.

 

* * *

 

  
_Fivehead_ : Ryan

 _meltedheadaches_ : oh my god brendon you had me so worried im so so so so sorry

 _Fivehead_ : don't apologise

 _Fivehead_ : this was silly. I was just acting out. Im just very stressed and everything got to me.

 _meltedheadaches_ : I love you Brendon I'm sorry.

 _Fivehead_ : I love you

 

* * *

 

  
**Fivehead** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **meltedheadaches**

 **Gerald Wey** : holy balls brendon you scared us

 **HurleyXVX** :^^^^^^^^^^

 **smol bean** : dONT DO THAT AGAIN JESUS CHRIST

 **Fivehead** : Sorry. Everything is better now

 **meltedheadaches** : love you

 **Fivehead** : ily

 

 

* * *

 

  
**Pepfucker** : according to all known laws of aviation

 **Pepefucker** : there is no way a bee should be able to fly

 **Lunchbox** : fuCK ALL THE WAY OFF

 **Pepefucker** : its wings are too tiny to get its fat little body off the ground

 **Lunchbox** : oHMUGOF PETE STOP

 **Pepefucker** : the bee, of course, flies anyway

 **Frohman** : my lord and saviour barry b benson

 **Gerald Wey** : i thought ur lord and saviour was guy fieri

 **smol bean** : no that one's mine

 **HurleyXVX** : idk about u guys but mine is Paul Blart.

 **Pepefucker** : mine is Larry B King

 **Pepefucker** : best character in the bee movie

 **Fivehead** : my favourite anime is cory in the house

 **Fivehead** : no wait

 **Fivehead** : thats so raven is a better anime

 **Pepefucker** : fuckin weeb

 **Spooky Jim** : my favourite anime is Seinfeld

 **meltedheadaches** : gross

 **meltedheadaches** : curb your enthusiasm is a better anime trust me

 **Spooky Jim** : shut your lame ass mouth

 **Spooky Jim** : Seinfeld is the better anime. I. am. A. Q u a l i f i e d O t a k u

 **Lunchbox** : this is some weeaboo shit right here

 **Pepefucker** : i was talking about the bee movie fuck all of u

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exams suck. I quickly wrote this out today. Help me i am drowning in exam prep/study work. Once again, please check out my newest story Never Looked Better, And You Can't Stand It. I would love you to the moon and back if you did that!!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are pretty rad :))


	26. Fun with French

**smol bean** : okay but

 **Gerald Wey** : oh no

 **smol bean** : did you know

 **Gerald Wey** : no

 **smol bean** : that it's possible to chip your tooth by making a sick basketball shot? Like, i made the shot and part of my tooth fell off.

 **HurleyXVX** : that's a lie the ball bounced off the rim and hit his face.

 **HurleyXVX** : he's got a fat lip now

 **smol bean** : yoU SHIT THE FUCK OFF

 **Gerald Wey:** get rekd boi

 **Frunk Lero** : i can summon pete right now

 **HurleyXVX** : how

 **Frunk Lero** : watch and learn

 **Frunk Lero:** here come dat boi

 **Pepefucker** : o SHIT WADDUP

 **Frunk Lero** : knew it

 **Fivehead** : rYAN PISSED HIMSELF IN THE MALL

 **meltedheadaches** : NO I FUCKIN DIDN'T

 **Fivehead** : YES HE DID

 **meltedheadaches** : YOU SPILT YOUR LEMONADE ALL OVER ME

 **Fivehead** : no that was your penis. Your penis spilt all over you.

 **HurleyXVX** : are you guys even real

 **Pepefucker** : no

 **Frunk Lero** : pete btw u left garbage at my house pls come clean it up you live like a block away

 **Pepefucker** : no comprende ingles

 **Pepefucker** : baguette eiffel tower hairy women moulin rouge

 **Lunchbox** : you just

 **Lunchbox** : switched from spanish to french

 **Pepefucker** : i speak french yes I am fluent

 **Lunchbox** : Je t'aime a la lune et retour

 **Pepefucker** : uHHHHHH

 **Pepefucker** : JE SUIS UN BAGUETTE

 **Lunchbox** : pete do you know what you just said

 **Pepefucker** : TU EST PAS UN TOILETTE

 **Lunchbox** : pete that literally made no sense gramatically

 **Spooky Jim** : what is goinging on

 **Frunk Lero** : goinging

 **Pepefucker** : JE M'APPELLE GRAND POMME DE TERRE DANS LE SOLEIL

 **Lunchbox** : pete what the fuck do you even know what youre saying

 **Pepefucker** : i am a beautiful french lady

 **Pepefucker** : gerard

 **Gerald Wey** : what

 **Pepefucker** : can u draw me like one of your french girls

 **Gerald Wey** : no but you can be the titanic and ill go down on u bby (;

 **smol bean** : shwnakao2ohdbdjwlaowi

 **Gerald Wey** : just kidding

 **Gerald Wey** : you can be the titanic and bash ur face off an iceberg please.

 **Pepefucker** : #rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of chapters on this story and my other ones. Ive had exams and my cat just passed away, so I haven't had the time/motivation to write. As well as those reasons, I've also just been playing a lot of Fallout 4 whoops. I did manage to quickly write a quick chapter though. Anyways, here you go, thanks for reading hope you enjoy! Sorry its so short!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are radical. :))


	27. Confusing Frank

**Pepefucker** _has changed their name to_ **Phil** **McCracken**

 **Frunk Lero:** pete what the fUCK

 **Fivehead** _has changed their name to_ **Haywood Jablomey**

 **Frunk Lero** : HWAT HTE FCUK

 **Frohman** _has changed their name to_ **Mike** **Litoris**

 **Frunk Lero:** _am I tripping balls or something_

 **smol bean** _has changed their name to_ **Hugh** **Jass**

 **Frunk Lero** : wHY IS NOBODY ELSE SAYING ANYTHING AM I HIGH OR SOMETHING

 **Gerald Wey** _has changed their name to_ **Ben** **Dover**

 **Frunk Lero:** oh no gerard not u too

 **Frunk Lero** : was this planned or something

 **Lunchbox** _has changed their name to_ **Rusty** **Knuts**

 **Frunk** **Lero** _has left the chat_

 **Haywood** **Jablomey** : im crying

 **Rusty** **Knuts** _has changed their name to_ **Lunchbox**

 **Haywood Jablomey** _has changed their name to_ **Fivehead**

 **meltedheadaches** : y tho

 **Ben Dover** _has changed their name to_ **Gee**

 **Phil** **McCracken** _has changed their name to_ **Pepefucker**

 **Pepefucker** : this was golden

 **Hugh** **Jass** _has changed their name to_ **smol** **bean**

 **Lunchbox** : was the point of that just to annoy frank

 **Gee** : well yeah. I think it worked. O shit hes calling me brb

 **smol** **bean** : joe u know you can change your name back now

 **Mike** **Litoris** : i know

 **smol** **bean** : dont tell me youre keeping that as your fuckin name

 **Mike** **Litoris** : ;)

 **Gee** : frank is telling me to go to his house gotta brexit

 **Lunchbox** : gOTTA BREXIT I

 **Pepefucker** : its the new "gotta zayn"

 **Mike** **Litoris** : i prefer to stick to the og "Gotta Blast" because jimbles notronbo is my favourite

 **meltedheadaches** : daddy sheen

 **Lunchbox** : this is not the new daddy jar jar dont you fUCKING DARE

 **smol** **bean** : really ryan i wouldve taken you for more of the jimmy neutron fan

 **meltedheadaches** : Why

 **smol** **bean** : you like people with foreheads to big i could land a helicopter on them

 **Spooky** **Jim** : sHADE

 **Spooky** **Jim** : FUCKIN SHADY

 **Pepefucker** : o hello josh

 **Fivehead** : excuse u my forehead isnt THAT big

 **Pepefucker** : your username is Fivehead you dont get to fight this

 **Fivehead** : true

 **Lunchbox** : I accidentally broke a david bowie vinyl soMEBODY PUNCH ME I HAVE BETRAYED MY GOD

 **Fivehead** : rip

 **Lunchbox** : dONT YOU FUCKIGN

 **Pepefucker** : babe what album was it

 **Lunchbox** : /////lets dance/////

 **Pepefucker** : okay it wasnt space oddity we're okay

 **Lunchbox** : pete

 **Lunchbox** : its not okay

 **Lunchbox** : im not okay

 **Gee** : You promise?

 **Pepefucker** : what

 **Gee:** wrong chat sorry

 **HurleyXVX** : i read dance as Danse fuck

 **Spooky** **Jim** : Paladin Danse

 **Pepefucker** : whats a paladin danse

 **Lunchbox** : fallout 4

 **Lunchbox** : i figured you wouldve got it

 **Pepefucker** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Pepefucker** : i guess im not hip with the kids

 **smol** **bean** : its okay pete same

 **Mike** **Litoris** : when fallout 4 first came out i binge played it and i was very upset at a certain mission with Paladin Danse

 **Mike** **Litoris** : i nearly shed a single manly tear

 **Lunchbox** : you did cry

 **Lunchbox** : I watched you cry. You were blubbering on about how "The Brotherhood needs you PALADIN DANSE I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU"

 **Lunchbox** : i was watching you play

 **Lunchbox** : ive never played the game but thanks to you, Joe, i know more about paladin danse than you i s2g

 **Fivehead** : beautiful.

 **Mike** **Litoris** has changed their name to Frohman

 **Frunk** **Lero** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Gee**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so im on summer vacation woot woot. For the last while ive been getting over the loss of my cat (I've had her over 10 years wowie) so I didn't write anything for over a week. I wrote more for Never Looked Better And You Can't Stand It (a couple chapters actually), plus a couple of chapters for this and a new story. Productivity, amirite?
> 
> Comments snd Kudos are A++ 
> 
> Enjoy!:))


	28. Andy The Suburban White Mom

**Spooky Jim** : do any of you have halloween plans yet

 **HurleyXVX** : dude its summer

 **Spooky Jim:** /do any of you have halloween plans yet/

 **Frunk Lero** : fine, no. Y?

 **Spooky Jim** : i need somebody to dress up as Marilyn Monroe and I dress up as a house so we can be Marilyn Mansion

 **meltedheadaches** _has left the chat_

 **HurleyXVX** _has left the chat_

 **Pepefucker** : Josh i want to kiss you for that pun. I will suck your dick that was glorious

 **Lunchbox** : you will not.

 **Fivehead** : oooh pattycakes has u pussywhipped

 **Pepefucker** : and ryan doesnt have you?

 **Fivehead** : rude

**HurleyXVX** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Lunchbox**

**meltedheadaches** _has joined the chat, invited by_ **Lunchbox**

 **meltedheadaches** : that pun made me want to drink bleach

 **HurleyXVX** : that was a bad pun. Be ashamed, lol

 **Fivehead:** who tf

 **Fivehead** : still uses 'lol'

 **Fivehead** : youre not a suburban mom on facebook stop that

 **Pepefucker** : lmao andy are you a suburban mother

 **HurleyXVX** : my true form has been revealed

 **HurleyXVX** : i am a suburban white mom

 **HurleyXVX** : and you better get your cleats and get in the minivan, Peter. I will not miss this week's PTA meeting. Rhonda's making white chocolate macadamia nut cookies and tonight is my cheat night. Hurry after soccer practice because I don't want to miss Dance Moms later. Maybe I'll let you have a sip of my wine, too.

 **Lunchbox** : andy no

 **HurleyXVX** : my name is Andrea. I'm a virgo, 38, proud mama bear of 3 (Peter, Joshua, and Frank)

 **Gee** : what the heck did i just read

 **Frunk Lero:** in the words of our lord and saviour Billy Ray Cyrus,,,,,, what to heck

 **Fivehead** : you two got here at the same time

 **Fivehead** : suspicious

 **Fivehead** : very very suspicious

 **Pepefucker** : u been fuckin

 **Gee** : nO

 **Gee** : we weren't

 **Frunk Lero** : ‘,:)

 **Gee** : frank fck of

 **Frunk Lero** : now, let's be /frank/

 **meltedheadaches** : too many puns

 **Fivehead** : yall were fuckin i knew it

 **Frunk Lero** : nope. Pokemon hunting

 **Frunk Lero:** i wish we were fuckin lmao

 **Gee** : stop that

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while whoops sorry! I had a job for a while, so that kept me busy. After the job ended, i had no motivation whatsoever to write, edit, or do much of anything really. But now im back for a little while, and three of my ongoing stories (Squad., Never Looked Better And You Can't Stand It, + my new Frerard story, Rain.) will be updated more frequently than my unmotivated ass has been recently.
> 
> Comment, leave kudos, and enjoy!


	29. Musical Fun

**Lunchbox** : Battle of Yorktown

 **Lunchbox** : 1781

 **meltedheadaches** : Why Hamilton?

 **Spooky Jim** : MONSIEUR HAMILTON

 **Lunchbox** : MONSIEUR LAFAYETTE

 **Spooky Jim** : IN COMMAND WHERE YOU BELONG

 **Frohman** : honestly,,,

 **Frohman** : what is this

 **Lunchbox** : HOW YOU SAY, NO SWEAT

 **Lunchbox** : WE'RE FINALLY ON THE FIELD

 **Lunchbox** : WE'VE HAD QUITE A RUN

 **Spooky Jim** : IMMIGRANTS

 **Lunchbox** : WE GET THE JOB DONE

 **Pepefucker** : can u not

 **smol bean** : wow salty much

 **meltedheadaches** : pete

 **meltedheadaches** : who died

 **Spooky Jim** : OUR AKITA

 **Lunchbox** : EVITA

 **meltedheadaches** : oh god

 **Fivehead** : THEY MAKE FUN YET I AM THE ONE TRYING TO DO SOME GOOD

 **Fivehead** : OR DO YOU REALLY WANT A NEIGHBOURHOOD WHERE PEOPLE PISS ON YOUR STOOP EVERY NIGHT

 **Fivehead** : BOHEMIA BOHIEMIA

 **Fivehead** : IS A FALLACY IN YOUR HEAD

 **meltedheadaches** : #divorced

 **Fivehead** : THIS IS CALCUTTA

 **Fivehead** : BOHEMIA IS DEAD

 **Frunk Lero** : have u ever just been,,,, so confused,,,

 **smol bean** : yes

 **Pepefucker** : omfg guys cHiLl

 **meltedheadaches** : Pete

 **Pepefucker** : hwat?

 **meltedheadaches** : Are we gonna have a problem?

 **meltedheadaches** : yoU GOT A BONE TO PICK?

 **meltedheadaches** : YOU'VE COME SO FAR

 **meltedheadaches** : WHY NOW ARE YOU PULLING ON MY DICK?

 **Frohman** : hawt

 **Fivehead** : Ryro

 **Fivehead** : was that

 **Fivehead** : Heathers

 **meltedheadaches** : I guess so yeah

 **Gee** : ryro likes musicals what

 **meltedheadaches** : it's a good musical. Sue me.

 **Frunk Lero** : we are the crystal gems

 **Gee** : we'll always save the day

 **Frunk Lero:** and if you think we won't

 **Gee** : we'll always find a way

 **Pepefucker** : nerds

 **Frohman** : umm?? Steven universe is rad??

 **Pepefucker** : ik. I once called Patrick Peridot. Short and angry.

 **Gee** : bruh

 **Pepefucker** : Andy is Garnet. Squaremom.

 **smol bean** : omg true??? Andy is mom???

 **Pepefucker** : ily andy mom

 **HurleyXVX** : wow thank you child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, hello! It's been so long! Sorry about that.the songs I've referenced in this are Yorktown from Hamilton, La Vie Boheme from Rent, Candy Store from Heathers, and the theme song from Steven Universe. I hope you enjoyed!!


	30. Netflix and Chillary Clinton

**Frohman** : is canada real

 **Pepefucker** : no

 **Frunk Lero** : why would you ask that? Haven't you been to Canada?¿

 **Frohman** : i just

 **Frohman** : it doesn't seem /real/

 **Frohman** : and before you ask i am actually not stoned thank you very much

 **meltedheadaches** : i love stand by me

 **Frunk Lero** : song or movie?

 **meltedheadaches** : both.

 **smol bean** _has changed their name to_ **Tideler**

 **Frohman** : why

 **Tideler** : i like Tide

 **Tideler** : and the way it

 **Tideler** : yknow

 **Frunk Lero** : what

 **Tideler** : makes my clothes smell good

 **Tideler** : #spon

 **Frunk Lero** : you would make the worst spokesperson ever

 **Tideler** : because that's all ive ever wanted to be. A spokesperson

 **Frohman** : dont let your dreams be dreams

 **Frohman** : Go 4 It (by Corey Feldman)

 **meltedheadaches** : he was in stand by me i luh him

 **Pepefucker** : um?? He was also in The Goonies? I luh him too

 **Fivehead** : I just drank/the/ most disappointing caprisun eVeR.

 **Tideler** : wat

 **Fivehead** : it tasted like piSS

 **Frunk Lero** : ur mom tasted like piss

 **meltedheadaches** : frank youre gay

 **Frunk Lero** : did u just assume my gender

 **Frunk Lero** : #tRIGGERED

 **Frohman** : u fuckign memelord

 **Gee** : I have crippling depression!

 **Tideler** : omg idubbbz

 **Pepefucker** : what is up, fellow young americans

 **Pepefucker** : i am #Chillary Clinton

 **Pepefucker** : #Netflix and Chillary

 **Spooky Jim:** lets Pokemon Go to the polls

 **Pepefucker** : i cant

 **Frohman** : lmao she seems like the person who would go to cough in their elbow but dab at the same time

 **Fivehead** : wHY IS DABBING STILL A THING

 **meltedheadaches** : why are you still a thing?

 **Spooky Jim** : #BOOMROASTED

 **Fivehead** : i am,,, so offended,,,

 **meltedheadaches** : suck it up buttercjskak

 **meltedheadaches**. FUCK ME

 **Fivehead** : when where and how hard

 **meltedheadaches** : i just tripped up the stairs

 **Pepefucker** : HAH

 **Spooky Jim** : #BOOMROASTED

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow short chapter to fill up a little space. Some of you may have noticed but i deleted Never Looked Better, And You Can't Stand It. It sucked and I hated it lmao. Im just puttering around with this story and Rain. For now. How would you feel if I wrote a highschool band class AU? 
> 
> Once again, I dedicate this chapter to saratza, who has given this shitpost so much love. Thank you!


	31. Jewish Santa?

**Pepefucker** : WHERE ARE YOU

 **Pepefucker** : AND IM SO SORRY

 **Pepefucker** : I CANNOT SLEEP

 **Pepefucker** : I CANNOT DREAM TONIGHT

 **Tideler** : honestly,,,, what.

 **Frunk Lero** : lmao I left him alone at the mall

 **Spooky Jim** _has changed their name to_ **Santa Jim**

 **Frohman** : im triggered

 **Frohman** : for i am jewish

 **Frohman** : wow inconsiderate jerk

 **Santa Jim** _has changed their name to_ **Festive Jim**

 **Frohman** : ;)

 **Frohman** : that's better

 **Frohman** _has changed their name to_ **Jewish Santa**

 **Tideler** : Why are you like this

 **Jewish Santa:** Im Jewish im allowed.

 **Pepefucker** : Is Jewish Santa a thing?

 **Frunk Lero** : pete youre stupid

 **Pepefucker** : Jewish Santa should be Woody Allen

 **meltedheadaches** : Winona Ryder

 **Tideler** : lmao it should be Paula Abdul. Ot Beck. Lenny Kravitz? Omg how about Leonard Cohen??

 **Jewish Santa** : dude. First of all, this is quite the offensive tOPIC. Secondly, Leonard Cohen /just/ died, dude.

 **Jewish Santa** _has changed their name to_ **Frohman**

 **Tideler** : wHAT

 **Tideler** : I DISNT KNOW THSI

Tideler: EXCUSE ME AS I CRY

 **Frunk** Lero: honestly how did you not know

 **Frunk Lero** : it was huge news

 **Frunk Lero:** Like a month ago

 **Gee** : Over a month ago, actually.

 **Tideler** : what the fkcuuuu

 **Frohman** : smh.

 **Pepefucker** : anyways I vote Tommy Ramone as Jewish Santa

 **Frohman** : i vote you shut the fuck up

 **Pepefucker** : K.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy canoli. It's been so long. Hello, again. If this chapter offended anybody, please please pleaaase tell me and I will no doubt take it down. The last thing I want to do is offend. I know this one is short, but trust me, I have more holiday chapters coming!!


	32. The Return of the Group Chat From Hell

**Tideler** : honestly

  
**Pepefucker** _has changed their name to_ **peteweezy**

  
**Peteweezy** : oui

  
**Tideler** : you better watch out, you bETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT

  
**Frunk** **Lero** : I'm,,, im just trying to enjoy listening to The Sex Pistols,,, And you know who fucking shows up at my door,,, Brendon,,,,

  
**Peteweezy** : ooh gurl what he doin

  
**Fivehead** : gURL U KNO IM GETTING THAT PUSSPUSS 

  
**Fivehead** : iM DROWNIN IN THAT PUSSPUUUUUUSS

  
**meltedheadaches** has left the chat

  
**Fivehead** : he's gone. Good.

  
**Tideler** : Jesus bren rude

  
**Fivehead** : no I'm actually getting that puss. Literally.

  
**Fivehead** : I'm getting a cat

  
**Fivehead** : for Ryan

  
**Tideler** : tAKE NOTES JOSH

  
**Spooky Jim** : was the duck not enough

  
**Tideler** : excuse u

  
**Tideler** : I bought you quackers

  
**Tideler** : quackers lives with u

  
**Gee** : wrong

  
**Gee** : Quackers lives with me now

  
**Fivehead** _has invited_ **meltedheadaches** _to the chat_

  
**Peteweezy** : ryro he drownin in the puss

  
**meltedheadaches** : noice. You wish it were you ;)

  
**Spooky Jim** : gURL

  
**Peteweezy** : also when I type ryro it autocorrects it to euro

  
**Lunchbox** : is he gay or euro-pean

  
**Tideler** : hA

  
**Fivehead** : oh hi Patrick

  
**Lunchbox** : yo

  
**meltedheadaches** _has changed their_ _name to_ **EuroRyRo**

  
**Peteweezy** : so

  
**Peteweezy** : I was thinking

  
**Gee** : I can smell the smoke from here

  
**Tideler** : the sass

  
**Peteweezy** : aNYWAY

  
**Peteweezy** : this weekend, bowling?

  
**Lunchbox** : that could be fun

  
**Gee** : if we were 12

  
**Fivehead** : *z snap*

  
**EuroRyRo** : I would love to go but I can't because I would rather be doing anything but that ever

  
**Tideler** : hES JUST MAD BECAUSE HE SUCKS

  
**EuroRyRo** : you swallow

  
**Tideler** : your point?

  
**Lunchbox** : can u two form a sass duo akin to team rocket @ gee & ryro 

  
**EuroRyRo** : we're blasting off again

  
**EuroRyRo** : like brendon after 30 seconds

  
**Fivehead** : I HAVE A CONDITION

  
**Gee** : i didn't know finally hitting puberty was a condition

  
**Peteweezy** : right for the jugular !

  
**Fivehead** : ouch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey remember that time that this was a thing? Me neither. No gods no masters. I would let Johnny Marr punch me in the face. also this piece of burning shit is over a year old.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The multy fandom groupchat OR: When the bandom and phandom collide](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6187510) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)




End file.
